


A Toast to Good Men and the Aliens Who Make Them Better

by Conversity



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: (Kirk!Prime somehow is alive and found his way into the AO!Universe), Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Jim, Kinda?, M/M, Past Lives, Relationship Advice, Romance, Secrets, Walk Into A Bar, sorta?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-20 00:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4765898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Conversity/pseuds/Conversity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The meld with Spock Prime had made one thing clear. They had loved each other. Jim seeks answers on how to recreate that with his own Vulcan & ends up consulting Kirk!Prime. But something is wrong as he finds out that maybe people aren't always destined to be together & sometimes love doesn't always take the same form. Will his searching lead to horrid truths & ruining everything?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Toast to Good Men and the Aliens Who Make Them Better

**Author's Note:**

> To avoid confusion, NU!James will be referred to as 'Jim' while TOS!James will be referred to as 'Kirk' or 'Kirk Prime'. :)

The bar was nestled back away from the main strip of city; its dark alley lit only by a flickering streetlamp whose amber flashes didn't quite reach the wooden, rusty hinged doorway. Jim shouldered his way into the warm, smoky atmosphere nodding to the Andorian barkeep who narrowed his eyes in question of the young man.

Suddenly feeling self-conscious, Jim pulled at the gold clasp at his neck, unsnapping it as he pushed the black cape from his shoulders. The Orion woman who was perched astride a barstool turned then, dropping her gaze from his startling blue eyes to the black leather pants that looked as if he had painted them onto himself. She licked at her red rouged lips as the young Captain swept the sparse seating area for the man who had sent him the letter, the one written in ink that stained the tips of his fingers, its paper edges folded and tattered as he smoothed it and reread its contents.

"I hear you need help with something pertaining to Vulcans. I may have your answer. Please meet me at 'The Close Encounters' at ten. Dress in a barrowed robe."

-C.J.T.K. 

A part of Jim, which if he listened close enough had an angered southern drawl and dark scowl to match, told him that meeting strangers at bars was probably the second worst thing you could do. (The first was sleeping with those strangers.)

But another part of him, the one who excited over falling head first towards the Earth, racing round the gravitational pulls of planets and being sling shot half way across the galaxy, and reveled in pestering Vulcans until they broke and beat him senseless, was intrigued that someone had found his encrypted address and was able to get paper mail through. He lingered over the sweep and slant of the words and wondered why they seemed familiar, the scrawl of ink nipping at a memory that wouldn't quite come into focus yet.

And that's way he was here, donning Spock's cloak and searching for the specter that had somehow gotten to him.

His line of sight crossed the Orion woman who hadn't let her eyes wander from him since he emerged through the door, a friendly smile tugging his lips. She twisted a finger around a loose curl of her hair, the bust of her blouse rising and falling with a deep inhale of heated attention that burned Jim from the inside it seemed as he drew closer, his hands folding his cloak over his arm as he neared. But before he could get a breath to ask her name, her eyebrows rose a bit, in an acknowledged way and she spun back toward the bar and lifted her drink.

It was no doubt she caught trace of a male Vulcan on him and though the race was shrouded in dark mysteries and time honored traditions, Jim had read enough to know that you didn't challenge a Vulcan over anything, most of all beings who wore their scent.

Now that her attention wasn't searing holes through his clothes, Jim found it a bit easier to peruse the other patrons that were scattered throughout the seats, a different colored drink in every hand, some looking tired, down beaten, run through the rough parts of life, but at the end of the room, tucked into a table in the corner was a the only man sitting alone, and that dangerously curious side of Jim told him it must be the one.

With a deep breath he straightened his shoulders, standing at full height as he strode back to the man, a casual "Hello, my name is," already out of his mouth by the time the figure met his gaze, and both seemed to be star struck, at a loss for the proper words.

Jim didn't even have enough time to sweep a furtive glance over the man before he was suddenly caught by the deep, thick honey color of his eyes, the air of authority ringing in him like a gong had been struck.

"A pleasure to meet you." The man's lips formed the words with a clever twist of smile as he looked up at Jim, "Or should I say me?" His following laugh was just as thick as the color of his eyes and though the stranger was a few years older than him, Jim caught the smile worn creases by his eyes, and the wheat field color of his curls, the strong set of his jaw as he commanded the situation effortlessly, his well-practiced debonair aura lively and engulfing as Jim sat across from him.

It was in those features that he found the truth.  
This man was James Tiberius Kirk.  
This was his Prime.

 

"I'd order stronger drinks but I figured you might want a serious conversation." Kirk brought the frothy glass of root beer to his lips and took a long draw.

"A serious conversation sounds like the perfect situation for strong drinks." Jim shot back, still a bit dazed at the almost mirror image of himself slightly aged by different events in a separate timeline. He wondered if Spock would find this a fascinating study in the effects of nature vs. nurture, the way the eye perceives self, and how the subconscious reads individuals, but he filed those thoughts away as Kirk Prime gave another gentle laugh, and Jim found courage to set his elbows on the table, leaning forward. "I can't believe it's really you." His voice sounded out of body, tinny, hollow almost with his disbelief. "I mean, I've seen your face in the melds with Spock Prime-"

"You've melded with Spock?" The amber hard eyes glittered with the jealous tinged question, though Kirk's body language gave the impression of indifference. But Jim knew better and he could read the bitter accusation in the raise of his furrowed eye brows and the hard line of his prime's lips.

"Ya, I mean, well..." Jim worried his bottom lip with a flash of tongue and wondered if this was where he wanted to start the entire conversation. 'It's already out there.' His inner voice chided with a winded sigh that almost sounded like Bones. And because the voice was right, Jim found himself nodding smoothly, trying to shrug off the obvious weight of the truth. "It's been only a few surface brushes but once there was some emotional overlay and I saw flashes of his life." He paused long enough for Kirk to read him honestly before he continued with a serious tip of his head. "He really loved you." The words were so rough to say that they sounded whispered and heavy in his glass of root beer as he took a sip to fill the awkward silence that he had a hunch would follow.

Kirk Prime sat stilled in his chair, one hand still gripping the handle of his mug, his eyes suddenly seeming to have hazed, their focus being drawn to something far away, almost like finding out you're too late. "Ya. We were something." And it was only the faintest of twitches but Jim saw the lips move into a broad smile to himself and then his eyes refocused and caught the younger man again. "It's been quite a while; I trust you're taking good care of him?" Kirk winked and Jim felt an odd heat flush the back of his neck.

"Spock Prime is good. He's helping a lot with the rebuilding of Vulcan." Jim caught his counterpart's eyes darken in rage and in a low voice he promised, "I took care of that son of a bitch that destroyed the planet. My Spock and I made sure of that." And at the mentioning of Spock the younger, Kirk's disposition brightened again.

"What's he like? I never knew a teenage Spock." Kirk's curious voice was laced for gossip, his hand bringing the glass to his lips for one last swig before he barely motioned the waitress for another.

"We didn't start off on the right foot. I may have cheated on a test-"

"The Kobiashi Maru?" Kirk's eye brow ticked up in question, a gratified look of expectation making him almost glow in pride, and Jim's answering smile could light a city. At least someone appreciated his attempts and final victory.

"You better believe it. He was pissed about me cheating and when we were all suddenly thrown together on the Enterprise, well, Spock and I didn't see eye to eye so he shot my ass out an air lock." The men laughed heartily together then, an echo of the same ring, and had Jim not been so deep in thought he might have been disturbed by it. "Long story short, I met your Vulcan on Delta Vega, he explained his existence through a quick meld, I won back my ship after I baited my Spock, and we somehow have this thin, fragile friendship that we're working on."

"You mean his human half beat your ass half to death and you were lucky enough his Vulcan side consented with keeping you alive?" In the bar light, Kirk's hair shone its silver linings a bit more noticeably, though his eyes gleamed mischievously youthful. Jim tipped his head in answer and took a swallow of his drink.

"Sounds about right, yeah. You seem to know an awful lot about our working relationship." Jim teased light heartedly and something in his smile made Kirk Prime still.

"I just know how it was with my Spock." Prime admitted a bit somberly, the livened mood weighted suddenly with reality. "He's loyal to a fault but he has his own chinks in the chain mail, so to speak. And it seems it's a Kirk trait of finding and exploiting them." The warm smile that his Prime usually wore when talking about the Vulcan was tight and almost bitter hinged now but the feature disappeared when he rubbed his hand over his face. "Nevertheless he would die for me, has proved that fact many times before, and I went to the ends of the universe, was willing to risk and gamble away everything to get him back." Jim tried to force a reassuring smile but he couldn't swallow the words.

Spock had died?  
And Kirk had thrown away everything to barter for his soul?

He wanted desperately to ask how and why, but he knew himself well enough to know he wouldn't be able to give away the information, much less come to terms with it. There was an array of questions he wanted to launch and demand, the foremost being how did Prime get here, what was he doing, why hadn't he contracted Spock Prime in the first place? But judging by the crowd that was sitting staggered around the joint, their own conversations terse and mostly filled with silence and glasses clinking, Jim figured they weren't going to divulge into real answers. Yet. 

Jim smudged his thumb over the droplets of condensation on his glass and let his eyes wander on his counterpart, the very existence of this man filling Jim with to much doubt and worry leaded confusion for him to really enjoy the introspective look. And after he took a sip of sweet froth his mouth began to voice the root of his spurring.

"You guys had it so easy. All those years bonded, never feeling lonely or afraid-"

"I wouldn't say 'easy', kid, there's a lot of things you don't understand-" But Jim bristled at the comment, a small flood of anger abruptly coursing in him.

"I'm not a kid, ok, I haven't been since Tarsus." And at the mentioned name Kirk Prime narrowed his eyes at Jim with a leveled expression that painfully understood.

He licked his lips and heaved a sigh through his nose, trying to focus anywhere but at Jim. "I was hoping you didn't have to go through that." His hands were knotted together on the table and the fingers twitched a bit nervously. "I hoped that wasn't a constant."

But Jim wasn't having any of that self-deprecating BS, he hadn't felt sorry after they had finally rescued him and he wasn't sorry now. "Ya, well it happened and it's over." He felt a pang of hunger in him that made his sick, something heavy and gurgling like a pit in him as he tried to focus on the reality in front of him. The memory of Spock's calm hand tenderly pressed on his shoulder as he taught him deep breathing exercises flitted to the forefront of his mind and in a few easy gusts, Jim felt a little more smoothed. He held fast to the image of dark Vulcan eyes and the musk of incense and humidity in the room, the vision grounding and real enough to anchor him before he had a panic attack in front of his Prime. "Anyway, I'm not here to relive shared grief. The point is that I saw you guy's perfect relationship and I want to know how you did it."

All shadows of Tarsus were wiped away as Kirk Prime tilted his head, lips posed at the beginnings of a question. "Jim, the meld, though unable to lie or show falsehoods, is still a thing of the mind. It's biased. You don't get the whole picture just because my Spock joined with you."

Jim's eye brows furrowed in frustration, a look of confusion marring his golden features as Kirk continued. "I hate to admit, even to myself, but Spock and I had it rough. I was with a lot of people before him-"

"Oh, I know, at the academy." Jim interrupted, waving the past behind him with a dismissive hand gesture.

"Academy?"

"I know we both slept around while studying for Star Fleet..." Jim trailed off but at the quirk of Kirk's eye brows Jim began to think that maybe he didn't quite have the hang of time travel and separate universes.

And even though Kirk seemed a bit proud, he shook his head, mimicking Jim's leaning impression on the table. "I was a 'stack of books with legs' back then. I was taunted and picked on by a lot of people and never had time to cultivate amorous relationships in school. But I proved my worth when I inherited my fair lady and her Vulcan first officer from Christopher Pike." He scratched the back of his neck a bit self-consciously then, eyes averted at the wet rings on the bar. "But it's good to know you weren't so poorly received back at the Academy."

"Wait, wait, then who the hell are you talking about sleeping with?" Jim asked indigently, confusion ruffling him as he straightened his back, mouth hung a bit open like he was afraid to answer himself.

"Well during the five year mission there were quite a few ladies," Kirk Prime said simply, not a single ounce of an apology on his features as he tried to be as plain as possible with his younger, alternate self. "Carol Marcus, Edith Keeler, just to name a few..." his sentence hung in the air as if he was still trying to recall the wisps of memories attached to the women he had fallen in love with, had felt that strong pull of lust for after all these years.

But Jim seemed to be having none of it as his hand curled tightly around his drink, face crumpling a bit with irritation. "Wait a minute, Spock seemed to always be in love with you. I remember the first sight he had of you and it was like being grounded to a car battery!" He raised his voice in strict disbelief, the callousness of his words coming through as the line of his jaw set tighter.

"Like I said, the melds are biased. You felt Spock's pure emotions, the way he remembers seeing me. For quite some time his love was one sided." Kirk admitted and, suddenly, Jim understood how his own Spock had felt right before he beat Jim over the bridge console.

"He pined for you..." Jim harshly whispered, dropping his voice for some reason, as if Spock Prime's emotions were private; and in a way, they were. "You had him at your heels like a loyal dog and you still messed around with other women?" A creeping edge of revulsion lined his words though he tried to veil it by dropping his head into his hands, miserably.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

He had slept around back before he became a Captain because he had nobody. Bones had said that Jim craved the affection because he was ignored as a child but never was serious about the flings because he was terrified of abandonment. It made one hell of a combination and even worse roommate quality.

But Jim wanted to hear from his future counterpart that he had overcome that and by some miracle had loved Spock with an easy acceptance, both of them balancing the other in a lovely dance of adoration and companionship. Instead, Jim found he was an jackass in two timelines.

Kirk slammed his raised glass on the hard wood countertop, his hazel eyes blazing. "Now you wait a minute, it's not like I declined his offer and flirted with them to spite him! Spock never gave any hint about his feelings for me until after he went to Gol and tried to eradicate the bond as the final step to Kolinahr!" There was malice in Kirk that Jim understood was self-loathing on a few levels but some of it was hot and mean towards the Vulcan in question too. "I didn't have a clue until my mind called across the bond and pleaded not for him to let go." The wet beginnings of tears made his eyes look glassy under the low lamp light and Jim was exhausted by the amount of emotion his Prime had. "He came back to me and we worked through it. But..." His Adam's apple bobbed, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat but he couldn't seem to get the words out.

How was he supposed to get his younger and, to his surprise, ignorant self to understand? Right when he and Spock had been finally making up in lost time, their bond stronger and livelier than ever, Spock had sacrificed himself to save the ship from Khan's wrath, severing the ties, forgetting everything. It was only after the whale incident that Kirk had taken the relationship seriously. It was then that the two of them found the love that Jim was so jealous of, was so eager to begin falling into with his own Spock, but by then, it was too late.

Another long silence sat between them, interrupted with the waitress filling their drinks and smiling gingerly, the music wafting from overhead singing about carrying light, breaking down a wall, calling for help, coming home.

"I didn't mean to upset you." Jim started lowly, eyes down cast. "It's just...when I saw Spock's thoughts about you, I..." He ran a nervous, shy hand through his hair, exhaling a forced breath of frustration through his nose. "I don't know…I just was glad that in one time line I had got it right. And now I..." his mouth floundered for the right thing to say, trying to be tactful for once and in a moment of weakness, he looked to his counterpart for help.

"Jim, love isn't easy. I really wish I could say that I was fair to him," Kirk exhaled too, covering his mouth with a gruff hand. "But I can't." He wiped absent mindedly at his brow and Jim wondered if he would begin that little habit. "When Spock and I finally did meld for purposes other than need in a fire fight, when it was willing and just about us getting to know each other and bask in the warmth of a shared mind, well, I was overwhelmed by his thoughts. He hadn't understood it was love until after he came back from Gol and we destroyed V'ger. But unconsciously he had been courting me for almost five years; and we were both blind to it." The soft strength in his words bolstered Jim and he was enraptured as Kirk continued.

"If I could go back and love him how he deserved, I'd do it in a heartbeat. It was unfair that we didn't get our chance until I was older, so much so that we couldn't enjoy it to the fullest. But I do know this…" His worried, nervous movements slowed and his hands came together then as he held his younger partner's steady gaze. "You have to make the best with what you're given. And if the Universe was kind enough to give him to you as a First Officer again then I say you take opportunity by the hips and kiss it into submission." Kirk smiled then, a real grin that reflected the light from the smoky bar and made the flecks of gold in his eyes shimmer, just one of the things that Jim remembered from Spock Prime's meld. He grinned back with matched emotion, huffing a laugh and wetting his lips before he sipped his drink again.

"We aren't that different, you and me." Jim considered suddenly, his smile crooked as he let the words sift between them.

But Kirk Prime seriously took the idea and answered, "I believe we are more different than you think." And Jim knew it was true. They both had been sculpted by different versions of personal hells. But the one constant was the deep affections found stirred in a being who confessed to suppressing all emotion.

"Here's to..." Jim held his glass up but wasn't sure what to toast to without sounding cliché.

"Trying to be better men." His Prime finished with a hearty grin and clicked their drinks, sloshing the foam a little over the rim as they matched sync and took long draws.

**Author's Note:**

> All I have is Prime!Feels 24/7. I'm not the only one right?  
> I might continue this and give the Primes a Happy Ending. :)


End file.
